Post 6: How Real is Gender Disappointment Today?

 

What is the Gender Disappointment? Who experiences it? And what’s next?

These are some of the questions I researched myself in order to write about this topic. Gender disappointment is rooted in our history. Remember the time when our grandparents would produce babies upon babies because they wanted a boy child and they kept getting a girl child. I am telling this from my own household, not necessarily the one that I grew up in but the one that my parents grew up in. My mother is all female family of 8 and my father is an all-male family of 5. To think that a women would go through so many pregnancies is baffling for me. For months I was happy with my only son. But as he grew older I realized that he might be craving a sibling relationship and I trust my Gods timing that we began expecting just at the right time. As I am getting ready for my 20 week scan where I would potentially find the gender of my second child I started to explore gender disappointment and how true was that. Does gender disappointment hamper the remainder of the pregnancy period? All these are questions that one must take into account before finding out the gender. And if the gender does not make a difference at all which is mostly true I believe for all of us in this modern world then it shouldn’t matter and in fact help in making the baby’s arrival smoother. Now I do have a son so I often wonder what I should expect out of my second pregnancy. I know I love my boy child and adding another by would be good because I would know how to handle him having done it with my first born and also because I am more comfortable with boys than girls. But then there is also this question about one boy and one girl child and how it is the ideal equation to grow old. Is it now? I don’t know. As I am a very emotional person I get subjugated by my thoughts often that the lined of truth get blurred. So I am anxious to know the gender. But taking care of Shaurya, my son and going through with all the experiences have made me better equipped to handle gender disappointment, I do believe. See my husband and I want a girl child the second time so that we have one of each in the mix. A father and daughter bond is so beautiful, and I have experienced it myself so I do want that for him and for my son to have his own sister who could tie a rakhi on him. But hey if we do end up with two boys it wouldn’t be that bad at all. The older generations mention that two boys is bad luck as when the parents grow old they fight for who will take care of their aging parents. I mean yes that s scenario. But can that same situation not be repeated with a boy and a girl child. I don’t know. I do believe that girls get more emotionally vested with their parents after marriage and especially after they become mothers themselves but the world changes a lot in twenty years. In our parents time the parents would live with their kids. The world is different today where some parents choose to live with their kids and some choose to live independently. I do want to be the second kind so that irrespective of gender all my kids feel free to visit their parents’ home because I have seen a lot of conflict in my life pertaining to this scenario. That is for some other time to talk.

So will I be disappointed if I find out we are having another boy. Maybe as that would mean that the so called ideal situation that I described above (in my head) might not happen. But that would also mean that I am probably destined to be a mother to two boys who would make my world so beautiful. Ans hey if we do have a girl then maybe I should be thankful to my almighty that he retained the vision that I have and maybe understood it better than me, Who knows?

But it is as it is. Destiny! As my Dad has said.

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