Post 11: My Beautiful Daughter

This post is dedicated to my beautiful daughter who is all set to complete her 16 months by Next week. When I was thinking about writing this I was still employed and was starting to wonder how unfair we had been or rather I had been when I was pregnant with her. I already had birthed a son before so motherhood was not new to me but I was so busy in taking care of my first born that I know I often neglected to take proper prenatal care with her. When she was about to be born, my company was going through changes and hence at 8 months pregnant with her I had to report full time on site (prior to that I was working 2 days offsite thanks to my awesome director). I remember we were also potty training my son throughout the entire duration that I was pregnant with her and hence I know that I was so busy with my son that I never really got a chance to sit down and maybe spend a minute with her not until the time she was born. 

I remember it so fondly. With my son I was a new mother, I was learning the ropes surrounded with so much anxiety that it took me some time and my mothers harsh but helpful words that brought me out of the conundrum of doubting myself non-stop and not enjoying motherhood. But with my daughter it has been sweet, the calmness that I felt with her birth and her presence still serenades me. I was tough again when I had to handle 2 kids without help but I did get to it with whatever little help I did get.

While both my kids have grown up in daycare for majority of the time with my daughter she went to daycare at 4.5 months because between me and my husband we had exhausted maternity and paternity leaves by the time she joined. I earnestly requested my director and manager to give me the option to work 2 days from home and thank goodness for her I managed to keep my job and take care of them at home while putting them in daycare the remaining of the time. And yes with childcare came multiple sickness and sick days to share between my husband and I but it was all manageable because of the option of Hybrid work( that itself deserves another post).

The reason I am writing about this now is because I was terminated from my job  due to Performance Management and it was the 31st when they told me about this, so immediately I pulled the kids out of childcare. Now we are on Spring Break and this time that I am getting with them feels in a way manifested especially my daughter. 

There are multiple discussions in my mind about what should be my next step in terms of career and childcare but one thing I know for sure, because my goals for financial freedom are so strong and high and because I will never find a job like the one I had where I could come and go at the drop of a hat, leave early if I had a childcare issue I need to find something that is going to be sustainable in terms of career, gives me a opportunity to grow, take care of my kids unhindered without thinking about half day or summer vacations or sickness or anything else for that matter and live the best possible life there is.

Bonus: my daughter just started to take her first steps today as I complete writing this and I feel so so blessed to have gotten to this place now and so so so excited for her next phase of growth.

What has really helped me a lot if Journaling. For some of my deepest pains, my journals are my bestest friends. Here are some of my favorites:

1) Worry for Nothing Guided Anxiety Journal (https://amzn.to/3TaN2kK) 

2) The Miracle Journal (https://amzn.to/49u85Vk)

3) Let that Sh*t Go (https://amzn.to/49r0syM)

4) The Mindfulness Journal (https://amzn.to/3IlsTCd) 

5) 91 Day Self Love therapist Recommended (https://amzn.to/3OXCxPq)

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Happiness to All

V