Why do we feel aimless when raising kids and not working

 I am at a point where Life has become kind of stagnant. This is not a rant post..... maybe it could be. In Life we often do so many things and react to a lot of situations on autopilot because of present scenarios and past situations.

There are some times now when I feel really aimless. It happens when I have periods. It happens when I don't have anywhere to go during the weekend. And I do not truly like this. But its also that I am not actively trying to change anything. Sure I apply to jobs, submit my old resume that I have formatted, but it is not working out. For the longest time I have felt I want to do business but I have still been aimless.

Yes I post on socials along the route of motivation but I am not consistent. I don't know is it because it is medical, could be right because when you are bleeding and then you are already anemic and you have a tendency to eat chalk, you do tend to get lazy.

Does this happen to you?

And now slowly and gradually I am realizing a lot of things were simply just futile.

Like the ages old thoughts in my head about the inlaws, my craving for the the love that I never received and my feeling that I gave a lot. I don't know what is the truth and what is the lie but maybe I get too affected by things that happen around me, and then when time and again the same thing comes in front of me, and I manage it better, even apologize to make it better but when I don't get the same response that I might have envisioned in my head I do tend to shut off.

And lately I have noticed that I tend to go to TV to maybe fill that need or just forget about it. 

To be honest I never thought I was doing this intentionally, but as I saw an Instagram Reel I realized that I might be doing it deliberately.

There is a spiritual healer who told everyone she was on the verge of killing herself and she stood there for almost 10 minutes before someone came by, held her hand and made her think on her feet. And her life changed from that point on.

I have been in this loop for the longest time now since my unemployment in 2023 began and now as I am facing unemployment a second time, in about 2 years.

Sure my kids are being taken care of and I don't have to worry but we still have to work. 

And I want to work. Work keeps us busy. Doesn't it.

But there are two times that define us .... when we have everything and when we don't have everything.

But I think we should also add a third time, when life feels in the dull, the routine, the daily. As women we start out great, career oriented and all until we have kids and then life just falls off from there. Only a few are able to sustain this freedom and I want to be able to do it..... But I am not understanding how to.

I also read somewhere that if You don't know what to work on , work on yourself and become the best possible ever.

And I am trying to do that but I get demotivated very easily.

There was a time, I was workign a lot, performing and working under pressure. And that was the time I was wishing for being a SAHM (Stay at home mom) because I felt their life was much better.

And now that I am there I don't like it.

Its so true that the grass is always greener on the other side.

But how do we break out of this pattern.

Please let me know.