Giving Up Addictions
Addictions! Lets talk about them. Because we all have them.
Not as Mothers but as Human beings.
Addictions are just dome things that relieve us from thinking about our stressors, take us away from our problems for the moment and create a temporary relief at the cost of something that we end up paying much later in life.
My father was an avid smoker not because he was addicted but because it was a coping mechanism to deal with stress.
My father in law was a drinker again I didn't get a chance to understand him much but whatever little I did it used to come from a place of losing control and an urge to forgot that loss - a coping mechanism.
Myself. I have had many. I am addicted to shopping at the Dollar Store, I have an addiction of eating chalk. I have an addiction to comfort. And this is what I am going to talk about today.
For the longest time that I have known the only thing consistent has been my habit of eating chalk or wall. It used to be wall back in the days in India. Then when I came to US I used to have this urge to eat the wall plaster. And later it turned into an addiction to eat chalk.
Where do Addictions start?
Addictions I believe start when you don't have faith in your self or a superior being like God.
There are some households that grow up with a very rooted home where they have every day rituals and are very religious. I know there can be flaws in that too but I believe those homes never have the problem of kids not having enough confidence on them.
But there are some homes that you could say are broken in a way but the parents are maybe trying their best to keep it together and maybe the kids can sense that instability and that somehow gets manifested into their life through an addiction. This is a personal opinion not a bias.
I tried very hard to give this up when I was pregnant with my first child.
But with my second I had so much stress to deal with and mostly alone, I ended up eating a lot of chalk during the pregnancy.
Now a lot of people and self proclaimed gurus state that eating chalk is due to a mineral deficiency or Iron called Pica. And yes sure I have iron deficiency. But the reason I used to eat chalk was much more than that.
It was comforting. Whenever I have stress I ended up going to the dollar store and getting chalk.
And to put this out here knowing someday my kids will know about this is not good but I want to talk about it.
It has been two days since I gave up eating chalk because I overall have decided to be a better person for myself.
Because of chalk eating or not I suffered from hemorhoids in 2023. Very badly.
To the point where I was bleeding and every time I went to the bathroom it hurt. It did not work out even after I fixed my diet and I had to go to a doctor to surgically remove the hemorhoid.
But oh my god, the pain that I felt after that was too much.
I never took the medication Oxycodone during my C-sections because whenever I had a little pain I would manage it with Ibuprofen.
But with this I couldnt survive if I didn't have those medications.
The next two three months I took care of my diet but then again the addiction started. And whenever the pain would start or the stools would become too hard to pass I would stop eating chalk for a few days.
But then it would be back to it.
For me even right now it is very difficult to not just get up and go to the Dollar Store and get the chalk and put it in my mouth.
But I have stopped for myself, for my kids.
Every dollar and few extra cents of almost over a quarter (25 cents) that I spend on that is the money I can use to save and invest especially since I am on unemployment at the moment and am not sure where will I go next to earn that dollar.
I have stopped because as we inch closer to 40s if we don't take care now, all the problems will come back when we are 70 and 80 and out bodies are fragile from all the wear and tear.
I hope to keep my will power intact.
I have even stopped with manhandling my nails that I keep scratching off the surface and peeling when I am anxious.
And it is not easy to do all this together especially when you have nothing to do at home apart from just taking care of two kids.
But taking care of kids is not an easy task.
Give them to a man and see how he can handle the kids and how soon does his switch flip from calm to angry.
Sure it happens to us too but as they say because God could not be everywhere he sent a mother to each child and we as mothers are fortunate to be given this opportunity to take care of them.
There are a few tricks that I am using and I hope I get to 1 year, 2 year, 3 year and so many more where I can say that This is the time I chose to give up on my addiction.
1) Every time I feel like eating chalk I drive, since the shop is far, but then as I am driving all these thoughts come in about how we are trying to budget, save money, kids future and I ends up going bacl. So the trick is longer route.
2) I try to keep myself busy. Even if I don't have anything to do, I wil read, write or make something that will be good to eat for me and or the kids.
3)For my nails, I went to the pedicure and started painting my nails. That has really helped me keep the momentum so far. It has been two weeks so far where I have not touched my nails other than simply to paint. So keep the nails painted.
4) Think about someone other than you who will be hurt if you don't give up on your addiction.
5) Think about yourself. Your future self. Your future body before you choose to abuse the body.
6) Meditate. Simple exercises Breathe in Breathe out.
There is one book that has really moved me positively towards my will. And I highly recommend it.
I am choosing to get myself rid of this addiction of eating chalk or nail biting because I want to be a good example to my kids and myself and also because I want my nails to look good and not bitten.
Peace of Mind : Becoming Fully Present.
I was grateful but bitter.
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